You know when your birthday comes around and you start thinking about where you were at this time last year? And then you realize things are so different, but somehow exactly the same? I just hit the two year mark since I moved across the country to start my life in San Francisco. HOLY SHIT. How has it already been two years? And also, how has it ONLY been two years?
After my first year here, I had written a little something on Facebook about how San Francisco is this big, crazy city and moving here was the best decision of my life. I’m happy to report that it still is – San Francisco is truly a magical place. I’m not on some spiritual journey to find myself, but I’ve learned a lot about who I am in the last two years – some things I want to change, some things I hope never do.
One of the most valuable things I’ve learned (and probably the biggest duh moment of all time) is that I’m a total introvert. To the core. It’s actually hilarious how introverted I am. But, more importantly, I’ve realized THAT’S OK. I grew up being “the quiet girl” (my friends reading this are probably LOLing right now) – but it was always said in such a negative way. “Why are you so quiet!?” or my very favorite, “stop being so loud!” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that *hilarious* joke in my near 26 years of life. I was kind of conditioned to believe that being quiet was a bad thing and I wished I could be different for so long. In the last two years, I’ve really come to terms with the fact that I’m a quiet soul. I’m perceptive. I think before I speak. Silence makes me happy. I suck in large groups. People exhaust me. I’m an introvert. And this is all ok. In fact, it’s awesome!
Another really important thing I’ve learned about myself is that I feel a connection with almost everyone I meet, and this has become a bit of a road block for me. It’s really, really easy to meet people in San Francisco, but really, really difficult to form bonds.This city is very transient and bustle-y – people move for school or work or a new gig, and then they don’t come back. I’m surrounded by others who are here temporarily, and it makes it hard to cultivate real relationships because no one feels the need to try. Making friends is HARD. Dating is worse. Don’t even get me started on the men in San Francisco.
Possibly the most important thing moving to San Francisco has taught me is that you really can do whatever you set your mind to. So sorry for the cliche. But seriously, if you REALLY want it bad enough, it can be yours. That doesn’t mean you won’t have to put in a shit ton of hard work and literal blood, sweat and tears. And maybe it’s not that you don’t want it bad enough, but that it’s not really what you want and you haven’t realized it yet. With that being said, I’ve also become ok with the fact that I’m not always going to know what I want. I’m ok with just being where I am and not knowing where I’ll be.
For those of you who have been here for me along the journey, THANK YOU. I don’t know what’s next, and that’s perfect.